Recognizing and Overcoming a Marital Crisis

Marital crisis? Relationship problems? Saving a marriage? These are the topics here. Why marital crises are inherently programmed – and how you can find reconciliation with yourself and your partner outside the norm and start a new relationship. Is this a guide? No. If you’re considering separation, this text is meant to make you think. And feel.

This post is intended to familiarize you with the fact that marital crises are not uncommon. Not in society. And even within long-term relationships, there are always times of crisis.

Marital Crisis is Normal – Reshaping a Relationship is Special

Even Daily Crises Can Occur – Even in Good Relationships

In some marriages, there can even be micro-marital crises several times a day:

• A thought goes through your mind. Why did I marry her or him anyway?
• Was that all there is?
• Didn’t I hope for more from life with him or her?
• For a moment, it can seem like you’re in the wrong movie as a spouse.
• Dealing with these questions is important and right.
• It’s natural for such questions to arise in a human soul. Suppressing them only brings inner conflicts that are then offloaded onto the partner.

But let’s take it step by step.

Let’s first look at why frequent inner crises with your life partner are normal:

The Concept of Marriage is Overwhelming. Does That Surprise You?

The concept of marriage is to stay together forever. With the “I do” on the wedding day, both partners make a big commitment.

Many people are overwhelmed by this. Because they don’t know which challenges in living together are normal – and therefore fail at them.

The cause of conflicts in the partnership is less the idea of lifelong fidelity and connection.

The Main Reason for Separation and Divorce is Ignorance

Most couples lack the tools to get back on track when there’s a breakdown on the long journey of marriage.

What do you need in the relationship when the engine sputters, when habit and boredom have spread?

From the beginning:

The “I Do”: The Beginning of Doubts Too

 

On the wedding day: Champagne mood.

Along with the family register, a marriage checklist should be needed for the wedding:

“Checklist: When to Call a Couples Therapist?”

This checklist should note the most common signs that something is wrong with the relationship. Question by question, you get closer to the solution if you really should have a marital problem:

• How can we save our marriage?
• He/she hasn’t talked to me for days
• I imagined happiness differently!
• Since the first problems with the children, we’re no longer a couple
• We only live a life revolving around duties
• I wonder why she/he doesn’t see what I wish for on their own
• There are always disputes: often about nothing
• We can’t find a solution to our argument – how do other couples do it?
• I can’t bear to hear others’ marriage tips anymore
• All our friends seem to be doing better with their marriages
• I often think about divorce, have even searched for divorce applications
• These disagreements again and again
• He/she hasn’t paid me any attention for a long time
• Communication? Non-existent. It’s only about his/her family
• We have no common interests
• If I had known the consequences, I would have been searching long ago

These and other questions are signs that a marital crisis could be present or developing.

They are invitations to take a closer look at the relationship.

Together. With a person who can lead couples to an outside perspective.

So don’t carry a problem with you permanently.

There can be no relationship with a fist in your pocket.

Is My Marriage Secure?

The concept of marriage is a security concept.

In the beginnings of societal orders, it was primarily meant to serve women. People also talk about the “harbor of marriage” – as if you would anchor forever.

The harbor of marriage is good as a security-oriented image, but it doesn’t look like a journey, like an adventure for two.

As a partnership, it brings with it a special form of bonding – with the idea of security for both sides.

The marital relationship usually begins with infatuation. Then comes the phase where long-term love can grow.

Love includes trust and respect. That’s what it says in relationship guides.

Life Can Turn Out Differently Than Planned. Often It Does.

Marriage wear and tear often occurs.

Cracks in the relationship.

The partners don’t notice the cracks at first.

You agree on a lowest common denominator, don’t argue anymore – and at some point, there’s no room for personal commonalities.

There are still the obligations that keep a marriage going.

Somehow it works.

Until it doesn’t work anymore.

If the cracks aren’t repaired in time, they can lead to a marital crisis.

And Then It’s There: The Marital Crisis

• Alienation, insecurity, and powerlessness.
• The will to break out.
• But there are the children.
• There’s the jointly financed house.

Caution. Children Are Not Glue.

In this phase, it’s no longer about the couple, but about the people and contracts that have developed around the two-person relationship.

The existence of children should not be the main reason for staying together.

Otherwise, the children would have a large mortgage to bear. We stayed together because you exist.